1200 word

Everyone is fighting a battle, and it's the battle we call life. It's not supposed to be easy. We're all supposed to get hurt, and have our hearts broken, otherwise the good times wouldn't mean nearly as much. It's taken many years for me to realize this somewhat simple fact. It has never made sense to me why people have to suffer and why things have to get much worse before they can get better. I guess it's all part of growing up, but this whole phenomenon still baffles me at times. Although I still can't make sense of it all, I have learned a lot about the strength to carry on, through the experiences of the women in my family. Growing up with three other women, ranging from ages 55-14, I have seen how the pressures of life can affect people at each stage. It wasn't until recently that I realized how strong these three women really are, it was like a hidden family secret, that could only be uncovered after years of pulling through myself.

I guess the only place to start would be around the year 1984. My mom was living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and married to some faceless man, that rarely crosses my mind. Although I think of him as a worthless human being, he did aid in bringing something much more meaningful than himself into this world, my sister. My mom and this man were only married a short time, and around my sisters first year of life, things ended. This would later be one the of the best decisions my mom would ever make, but at the time things didn't appear to be that clear. She picked up the pieces that were left after this broken marriage, and moved on. Not to say that her life was torn, because this man would never have nearly enough power over her to tear her down, but she knew it was time for a different life for her and her first born. The two of them, mother and daughter, moved to Columbus, Ohio with my aunt and uncle. There they would live for a year before another, not so faceless man would walk into their lives.
(will add the story about my dad coming into the picture)

Rachael's father is Jerry Coccia. Always has been and always will be. Regardless of if it's his blood that runs through her veins or not, this is the only father figure she will ever need, and more importantly ever want. From the first day at age 4 when she changed from calling him Jerry, to calling him Daddy, this is how she has felt. Although this is all true, the confusion of teen age years and growing up, made this arrangement somewhat difficult at times. There were things that didn't always make sense to her, and she had questions she could never bring herself to ask. Rachael would never question who her father was, but in the early years of life no one wants to be different from their friends, and the idea that she might be weighed on her but only for a short period of her life. She got through these times, with the strength she got from her mother. This wouldn't be the last time Rachael would be confused about her relationship with certain men, and would need that same strength once again.
(adding another huge part about a boyfriend that will change her life forever)

These two women have been the driving force in the person I have become. Not at day goes by that I don't wonder if what I'm doing is something that would make them proud, but also be something they would themselves do. I have always wanted to be just like Rachael, but deep down I think we both want to be just like our mother. Through them I have figured out exactly what I want in life. My experiences haven't been as crucial as theirs thus far, but the ones I have been through have been somewhat life altering for me. I never used to understand what it meant to truly get your heart broken. I had been hurt before, but it wasn't until junior year of high school that I truly felt a broken heart. That feeling you get where you ache in places you never even knew you had. That constant tearing feeling in your heart that you think will never go away. The point of pure desolation that makes it hard to even breathe. I understand that the situation that first brought this on, will sound quite minuscule to most people, but to me it meant that my life, everything that I had worked for since age five, was disintegrating right before my eyes.

It was more than a game to me. It was more than just a sport even. It was all I knew, all I wanted. It was a way of life. It was who I was. For thirteen years soccer was my entire world. Everything I did revolved around it, and I didn't want it any other way, it was what I lived for. And everything I did, I did for one reason; to play on varsity at my high school. The excitement of playing on my school's field, wearing my schools name, with the girls that had become my family. It was this goal that I'd had since I can remember. I knew my talent level, and I knew it'd be close to junior year before this would happen, and that was fine with me, I'd have two years to do what I had always wanted to. After dressing varsity my sophomore year, my dream felt closer than ever. After a last minute coaching change, I knew I had to start all over and prove myself again. To this day I think I did all that I could. I still go through that week of try outs over and over in my head, wondering what more I could have done. Regardless of the amount of hard work I put in, in front of this man and on my own, he took my goal, and my heart, and stomped on them. Everything I had worked for, was thrown out the window in the longest two minute meeting of my life. I had made the JV team for the third year in a row. Like I said, people have gone through much, much worse, and I know how lucky I am to have this as a pivotal moment in my life. But to an athlete, who loved the game as much as me, and worked as hard as I had, this day would remain in my head for years to come.
(adding what i did following being put on this team -- ties in the strength-- and perhaps a bad relationship i had that made me feel that heart breaking again?)

The youngest of the four girls, is fourteen and going through those painful middle school years. She has fallen into the trap of attitude and know-it-all-ism, that we all know and love. Because of this, and the fact that my parents are quite old to have a 14 year old, she tends to get the short end of the stick most of the time. She is unbelievably hard to get along with at times, but now that I am older, I have begun to see how strong she is as well. It has to be hard being the last one to do everything. Having to watch all of our games, when we're too busy now to make it to all of hers. Having to be the only kid at home, when we always had each other to split the blame with. Still being the baby, and knowing she always will be. She has a strength that I don't think she even know she has. She watches and learns through each of our mistakes, but also doesn't hold back even though she knows what it's like to get hurt. She plays a game she loves, just like her sisters did, knowing that they both got their hearts broken because of it. She gets involved in relationships, even though she's seen us cry until we can no longer open our eyes over boys who hurt us. She isn't afraid to try things, knowing what could come from them. That's a strength I think everyone needs to have. She is willing to live her life, and risk the heart ache, because she's also seen how happy we have become despite all of the tough times. Truth is, I look up to her much more than I ever thought I would.

My life is what it is because of a lot of people. Every time someone walks into your life, they impact you. Whether good or bad, they leave an imprint on your life. But there's those few, irreplaceable people that leave an imprint on your heart, and those are the ones I live for. These four women have been some of those people for me, and to them I am eternally thankful. Through them I have learned that things are going to happen in life that you cant stop, but that's not excuse to shut out the world. And also that, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. These life lessons about the strength to carry on are the ones that have carried me through some of the worst heart ache I have felt to this point. It's the single mother, trying to start over. The confused twenty four year old, who has lost the love of her life, but also find her soul mate. It's the fourteen year old, who knows her place in the family and may not like it at times, but knows she has so much life left to live, and cant wait to get started. It's these women with the strength to carry on, and face whatever life will throw at them. Because even the hardest of times are worth it. They are what lead you to good things. They are what teach you the most. It's the strength gained through these moments, that make people great.


You probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But no you're wrong
Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I want to say thank you
Cause it makes me that much stronger
- Fighter
(thinking of adding this in as well somehow)